Busy with finals but right now I feel empty
It's been a very busy period and still is, we're having finals this week and Mon-Tue next week. I still have one more final in my quantum-mechanic/statistical physic class, and it's a very complicated class. I'm also going to Stockholm this weekend for a lindy camp so unfortunately I miss important study time but lucky I "earn" awesome dance time!
On Monday I was finally elected to be on the board for Student athletics in Luleå; with its 3500 participants I feel kind of honoured. I'm also busy with my pursuit of a master thesis project. The swedish model claims it is kind of doing an internship at a company and in parallel writing a report about it. It should last for 6 months and now I'm most working with the goal of getting this job outside Sweden, preferably Germany.
Back to "right now". I feel empty. I've been studying really hard the entire day and this quantum mechanics is a tough subject. Eventually I afforded going to my dance class and we had a new "block" beginning today, lasting for 4 weeks and it means new instructors. These were really good and definitely got me mobilizing energy and I felt radiantly happy and very alive when dancing and practicing.
I'm emotionally involved in this girl I'm not allowed to be though, and when thinking ahead of what is coming, next season and so on... - I did after I left the class, I just sat in my car - stareing and wondered what I am doing and thinking of where I want to go with life - I felt infirm. I have so much fun with her and nothing wrong with that, neither the circumstances I shouldn't feel that much. But sometimes I feel "gosh, when I finally find someone I mutually love, I will be so worn-out and void that I can't show her who I really am".
I guess this thought is because I meet so much people all the time and kind of miss some durability. I feel I have to rebuild "everything" over and over, again and again.
Maybe I start getting ready for the thoughts about getting settled in a couple of years? I both feel disappointed when I meet people without dreams and goals, but also a bit yellous they can be so calm and happy without any further goals and just "let be". I'm little scared with the fact I have absolutely no clue what I am doing after my master thesis. I'm so free to do what-ever I want, but I don't know that now, what I want. It's almost like it would be easier to have "some" restrictions for what I can do... but, anyways, that's one thing my experience of going to US also tought me: I don't need every detail "in position" on before hand, I should know that now, that things will fall in place while time is ticking and so far I can't say I have been bored of life so.......
On Monday I was finally elected to be on the board for Student athletics in Luleå; with its 3500 participants I feel kind of honoured. I'm also busy with my pursuit of a master thesis project. The swedish model claims it is kind of doing an internship at a company and in parallel writing a report about it. It should last for 6 months and now I'm most working with the goal of getting this job outside Sweden, preferably Germany.
Back to "right now". I feel empty. I've been studying really hard the entire day and this quantum mechanics is a tough subject. Eventually I afforded going to my dance class and we had a new "block" beginning today, lasting for 4 weeks and it means new instructors. These were really good and definitely got me mobilizing energy and I felt radiantly happy and very alive when dancing and practicing.
I'm emotionally involved in this girl I'm not allowed to be though, and when thinking ahead of what is coming, next season and so on... - I did after I left the class, I just sat in my car - stareing and wondered what I am doing and thinking of where I want to go with life - I felt infirm. I have so much fun with her and nothing wrong with that, neither the circumstances I shouldn't feel that much. But sometimes I feel "gosh, when I finally find someone I mutually love, I will be so worn-out and void that I can't show her who I really am".
I guess this thought is because I meet so much people all the time and kind of miss some durability. I feel I have to rebuild "everything" over and over, again and again.
Maybe I start getting ready for the thoughts about getting settled in a couple of years? I both feel disappointed when I meet people without dreams and goals, but also a bit yellous they can be so calm and happy without any further goals and just "let be". I'm little scared with the fact I have absolutely no clue what I am doing after my master thesis. I'm so free to do what-ever I want, but I don't know that now, what I want. It's almost like it would be easier to have "some" restrictions for what I can do... but, anyways, that's one thing my experience of going to US also tought me: I don't need every detail "in position" on before hand, I should know that now, that things will fall in place while time is ticking and so far I can't say I have been bored of life so.......
Thoughts about dancing
It's good to dance. I have things to improve. It's healthy. It keeps me focused.
Right now, I haven't been able to dance with Lindvi for a week, when she has been injured and I really miss dancing to her and even if it's good to dance with other girls I still prefer to get some extra practice with a girl that "know" how to follow me, because that gives me more space to focus on my own mistakes and improvements instead of just putting every percent of focus into the girl to get her understand what I want.
There is so many small details to work on, and it becomes so complex when it's not just my own mistakes to correct, it's also about a partner. When dancing to better dancers, they tend to "flatten out" my mistakes, and I might get lazy to lead in a proper way. But on the other hand, with too bad girls, I really have to put too much energy into leading and "dragging" the girl around the floor.
At the moment I've travelled more and more back to basics for the bugg, every time realizing I don't know for sure how to place my weight and feet in every basic turn or motion, exactly when to push or pull, and this ends up with the fact I've decreased my skills to music adjustments :( but still, I think it's necessary to get a good (acceptable) basic first, before focusing too much on the "cool" stuff if I want to compete. I'm ready to do that, and even if the "cool" stuff, turns, moves and so on is so much more fun, I know I have to travel the long way as effective and fast as I can, to reach the level where I can pick up and challenge already skilled girls. And - in the end of the day - I think these basics, music adjustments and general improved dancing skills will improve also my lindy hop
in many ways. It get me more and more aware of the placement of the girl and my own placement, learning to lead with my entire body instead of just my arms, and not the least, how to make "show" of the dance in a cool way.
I will keep dancing!
Right now, I haven't been able to dance with Lindvi for a week, when she has been injured and I really miss dancing to her and even if it's good to dance with other girls I still prefer to get some extra practice with a girl that "know" how to follow me, because that gives me more space to focus on my own mistakes and improvements instead of just putting every percent of focus into the girl to get her understand what I want.
There is so many small details to work on, and it becomes so complex when it's not just my own mistakes to correct, it's also about a partner. When dancing to better dancers, they tend to "flatten out" my mistakes, and I might get lazy to lead in a proper way. But on the other hand, with too bad girls, I really have to put too much energy into leading and "dragging" the girl around the floor.
At the moment I've travelled more and more back to basics for the bugg, every time realizing I don't know for sure how to place my weight and feet in every basic turn or motion, exactly when to push or pull, and this ends up with the fact I've decreased my skills to music adjustments :( but still, I think it's necessary to get a good (acceptable) basic first, before focusing too much on the "cool" stuff if I want to compete. I'm ready to do that, and even if the "cool" stuff, turns, moves and so on is so much more fun, I know I have to travel the long way as effective and fast as I can, to reach the level where I can pick up and challenge already skilled girls. And - in the end of the day - I think these basics, music adjustments and general improved dancing skills will improve also my lindy hop
in many ways. It get me more and more aware of the placement of the girl and my own placement, learning to lead with my entire body instead of just my arms, and not the least, how to make "show" of the dance in a cool way.
I will keep dancing!
It has been a good day
Overslept this morning, but without having classes, so it wasn't bad. Woke up at 9, wonderful weather - pretty cold (around 32F) but sunny so I made a quick run before showering and going to school. I kind of miss the outdoorish thing a bit, by only dancing and when I'm not doing so, I need some strenght so I go to the gym - also inside. Have participated in some running but that's often in the night when it's dark, so I don't always feel I get outside.
Well, I made it to the library, alone. Studied metallic and made exam questions til late lunch. Quick effective shopping, made lunch and then going to meet up Nic in my DSP class. On my way back to school I swang by Stil and got some meeting info clear for tomorrow. The DSP has felt like a big sword hanging over me, cuz I havent had time to follow the theory as good as I should and I also lost the practice in the last lab when Nic has been so nice and worked really hard doing a lot of work. But today, it felt like I found the lost part of the thread. Now it's up to me - to keep working hard and do something good out of it.
Got home, had dinner and went wt lifting. Met some good friends. Then went to Studion for dance practice together with Emma. My dance partner Lindvi wasn't in town so I had to "borrow" one for tonight. I got some really good ideas presented and it was a good training. The rest of the night I've been planning for things, talked to my dad and also my sister (I rarely talk to either of them), finished some more work on the LARV web page... And overall, feeling good!
Have had time to take it in a good speed and still get lots of things done; I feel satisfied with the work load but also to mark things off the "infinite" list.
I feel full of hope and trust about the dance relation to Lindvi, my dance partner who is really serious and stand me by most of my dancing hours at the moment. It's a good fall.
When running alone, I often find a lot of things to think about. Today I was considering choices in life, and what step in a dependancy pyramid I'm at. Heard about Maslow? Anyways... I can feel I don't have time for lots of things, but I don't feel stressed for any of it, and that feels wonderful! It's a conscous choice to dance as much as I do now, but the prize is also not having time to be outside very much, but so what? I'm still progressing the step "self-fulfilment" and feel I haven't chosen track for work, city, main hobby (but for now it's dancing)... and everything else that I can choose on. But life is fun, tomorrow I'm having a slow-fox party (compare blues party) with slow foxtrot, bugg and blues music... anything giving us reasons to hug each other and dance close :)
It has been a good day.
Well, I made it to the library, alone. Studied metallic and made exam questions til late lunch. Quick effective shopping, made lunch and then going to meet up Nic in my DSP class. On my way back to school I swang by Stil and got some meeting info clear for tomorrow. The DSP has felt like a big sword hanging over me, cuz I havent had time to follow the theory as good as I should and I also lost the practice in the last lab when Nic has been so nice and worked really hard doing a lot of work. But today, it felt like I found the lost part of the thread. Now it's up to me - to keep working hard and do something good out of it.
Got home, had dinner and went wt lifting. Met some good friends. Then went to Studion for dance practice together with Emma. My dance partner Lindvi wasn't in town so I had to "borrow" one for tonight. I got some really good ideas presented and it was a good training. The rest of the night I've been planning for things, talked to my dad and also my sister (I rarely talk to either of them), finished some more work on the LARV web page... And overall, feeling good!
Have had time to take it in a good speed and still get lots of things done; I feel satisfied with the work load but also to mark things off the "infinite" list.
I feel full of hope and trust about the dance relation to Lindvi, my dance partner who is really serious and stand me by most of my dancing hours at the moment. It's a good fall.
When running alone, I often find a lot of things to think about. Today I was considering choices in life, and what step in a dependancy pyramid I'm at. Heard about Maslow? Anyways... I can feel I don't have time for lots of things, but I don't feel stressed for any of it, and that feels wonderful! It's a conscous choice to dance as much as I do now, but the prize is also not having time to be outside very much, but so what? I'm still progressing the step "self-fulfilment" and feel I haven't chosen track for work, city, main hobby (but for now it's dancing)... and everything else that I can choose on. But life is fun, tomorrow I'm having a slow-fox party (compare blues party) with slow foxtrot, bugg and blues music... anything giving us reasons to hug each other and dance close :)
It has been a good day.
More dancing and another multisport competition
I've kept dancing a lot this week and with an average of 20hours of practicing every week I'm more than excited! On Friday we (Stil dance section) went to Skellefteå for a social dance marathon of 6h w/ bugg and foxtrot. It was good and I haven't danced very much socially in a while, so it was a lot of fun. Sunday I participated in the schools "mini"-adventure race together with Jens Häggström. We finished 2nd, beaten by a couple of minutes by 2 orienteerers... It wasn't too big a shame, it was a fun race without claims (of course I wanna win, but I don't get dissappointed this time when not doing so).
I still had time for dancing a couple of hours in the night :) And I felt strong and in good shape during the race so it feels good.
The last couple of weeks I also have had concrete things to work on to improve my dancing, which feels great! Now it's boogie woogie practice.... C u!
I still had time for dancing a couple of hours in the night :) And I felt strong and in good shape during the race so it feels good.
The last couple of weeks I also have had concrete things to work on to improve my dancing, which feels great! Now it's boogie woogie practice.... C u!
Update about everything
Last weekend I competed in multisport SM, an adventure race that me and my team mate 16h 20m to fulfil. It was a lot of different distances, but in total about 200K and we did mountainbiking, kayaking, inlines with ski-poles, downhill, running with map (orienteering), via ferrata (climbing along Skulebergets steel wire always clicked in w/ at least one sling) and mtb-orienteering, among others... We finished 7th and was little more than 2h behind the winners. We achieved a pretty good goal though, about always being in movement but also the surrounding support areas were working well! I had never competed w/ Björn before, and none of our assistants had assisted this kind of race before, so we're overall satisfied with the result. The first 5-6 hours I think we could have pushed us faster, but in the early morning (we started 00.00, midnight) at the kayaking we both became really cold and I became worse of eating and drinking and that kicked back on the long cycling distance where I was really tired. It took me another 4-5 hours to recover (it was raining and we didnt bring enough energy, so I simply had problems recover enough) but the lsat 4-5 hours was running perfectly fine and we both felt good!
Since that... have I mostly been working with school subjects... at the computer central... and been dancing. I'm gonna compete with a girl, Lindvi, hopefully in both Boogie Woogie, lindy hop and bugg, as we practice all of it together, every day. Weather is shifting a lot... from cold weather to lots of rain, to some nice days with sun. Like yesterday, I had a very nice ride of 2½ hour mtb with Stil cycling section.
Life keeps ticking, but it isn't boring and I enjoy it! Busy or not...
Since that... have I mostly been working with school subjects... at the computer central... and been dancing. I'm gonna compete with a girl, Lindvi, hopefully in both Boogie Woogie, lindy hop and bugg, as we practice all of it together, every day. Weather is shifting a lot... from cold weather to lots of rain, to some nice days with sun. Like yesterday, I had a very nice ride of 2½ hour mtb with Stil cycling section.
Life keeps ticking, but it isn't boring and I enjoy it! Busy or not...