Busy with finals but right now I feel empty
It's been a very busy period and still is, we're having finals this week and Mon-Tue next week. I still have one more final in my quantum-mechanic/statistical physic class, and it's a very complicated class. I'm also going to Stockholm this weekend for a lindy camp so unfortunately I miss important study time but lucky I "earn" awesome dance time!
On Monday I was finally elected to be on the board for Student athletics in Luleå; with its 3500 participants I feel kind of honoured. I'm also busy with my pursuit of a master thesis project. The swedish model claims it is kind of doing an internship at a company and in parallel writing a report about it. It should last for 6 months and now I'm most working with the goal of getting this job outside Sweden, preferably Germany.
Back to "right now". I feel empty. I've been studying really hard the entire day and this quantum mechanics is a tough subject. Eventually I afforded going to my dance class and we had a new "block" beginning today, lasting for 4 weeks and it means new instructors. These were really good and definitely got me mobilizing energy and I felt radiantly happy and very alive when dancing and practicing.
I'm emotionally involved in this girl I'm not allowed to be though, and when thinking ahead of what is coming, next season and so on... - I did after I left the class, I just sat in my car - stareing and wondered what I am doing and thinking of where I want to go with life - I felt infirm. I have so much fun with her and nothing wrong with that, neither the circumstances I shouldn't feel that much. But sometimes I feel "gosh, when I finally find someone I mutually love, I will be so worn-out and void that I can't show her who I really am".
I guess this thought is because I meet so much people all the time and kind of miss some durability. I feel I have to rebuild "everything" over and over, again and again.
Maybe I start getting ready for the thoughts about getting settled in a couple of years? I both feel disappointed when I meet people without dreams and goals, but also a bit yellous they can be so calm and happy without any further goals and just "let be". I'm little scared with the fact I have absolutely no clue what I am doing after my master thesis. I'm so free to do what-ever I want, but I don't know that now, what I want. It's almost like it would be easier to have "some" restrictions for what I can do... but, anyways, that's one thing my experience of going to US also tought me: I don't need every detail "in position" on before hand, I should know that now, that things will fall in place while time is ticking and so far I can't say I have been bored of life so.......
On Monday I was finally elected to be on the board for Student athletics in Luleå; with its 3500 participants I feel kind of honoured. I'm also busy with my pursuit of a master thesis project. The swedish model claims it is kind of doing an internship at a company and in parallel writing a report about it. It should last for 6 months and now I'm most working with the goal of getting this job outside Sweden, preferably Germany.
Back to "right now". I feel empty. I've been studying really hard the entire day and this quantum mechanics is a tough subject. Eventually I afforded going to my dance class and we had a new "block" beginning today, lasting for 4 weeks and it means new instructors. These were really good and definitely got me mobilizing energy and I felt radiantly happy and very alive when dancing and practicing.
I'm emotionally involved in this girl I'm not allowed to be though, and when thinking ahead of what is coming, next season and so on... - I did after I left the class, I just sat in my car - stareing and wondered what I am doing and thinking of where I want to go with life - I felt infirm. I have so much fun with her and nothing wrong with that, neither the circumstances I shouldn't feel that much. But sometimes I feel "gosh, when I finally find someone I mutually love, I will be so worn-out and void that I can't show her who I really am".
I guess this thought is because I meet so much people all the time and kind of miss some durability. I feel I have to rebuild "everything" over and over, again and again.
Maybe I start getting ready for the thoughts about getting settled in a couple of years? I both feel disappointed when I meet people without dreams and goals, but also a bit yellous they can be so calm and happy without any further goals and just "let be". I'm little scared with the fact I have absolutely no clue what I am doing after my master thesis. I'm so free to do what-ever I want, but I don't know that now, what I want. It's almost like it would be easier to have "some" restrictions for what I can do... but, anyways, that's one thing my experience of going to US also tought me: I don't need every detail "in position" on before hand, I should know that now, that things will fall in place while time is ticking and so far I can't say I have been bored of life so.......
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